We have been waiting for this drunk, horny trainwreck for far too long, and if the previews do this season any justice, we won’t be disappointed. If you missed anything last night, we’ve got you covered, so please do yourself a favor and grab some PJs, a bottle of wine (skip the glass), and a snack. Do we need to warn you about spoilers? This is a recap of what happened, so yes, episode 1 spoilers.
Hello Baches My Old Friends
We got the rundown of what everyone has been up to. The twins: we’re so different! Lace: my hair is longer and I drink a lot, but I am aware of how much I drink. Daniel: pronouncing Bachelorette is hard and “I’m like a disease, I just won’t go away… like herpes or something.” Okay so only the last part was a direct quote and there was a little more, but you get the idea.
When Baches Collide
One by one our favorites reunited or met for the first time. Daniel spent a lot of time judging and rating looks, while Evan enjoyed every Chad-less minute… until the last guy walked out. We all knew it was coming and boy did it ever.
The first (and only) girl to get a date card this episode was Jubs! From before she even landed in paradise she was planning on asking a certain someone, the same someone Emily was excited about… and the flavor of the month goes to Jared.
Fast forward to date night: surrounded by more pinatas than you can probably imagine, Jubs and Jared bonded over Lord of the Rings and being nerds. That is until they were interrupted by a terrifying clown armed with a stick to smash the many pinatas.
Meanwhile at the Bar, Beach, Hot Tub..
We all know you don’t need a date card to make love happen.. Or whatever you call the categorical disaster that happened between Lace and Chad. They yelled at each other. They drank. They made out. They drank. They slapped each other. They drank. Eventually Chad tried to confess his feelings for Lace and she was done.
In the shortest relationship in Bach history, “Hurricane Chace” was through. Chad coped with a drink or nine, said some horrible things to Sarah, and passed out on the sand.
Chris Harrison: Judge, Jury & Executioner
Whether it was due to the contestants feeling threatened or Chad hitting BIP’s drama quota in a single night, Chris gathered the gang and let Chad know he would be going home. After some words from the ladies and guys, Chad made his exit with a “F*** YOU CRAB” and a few parting words for Chris Harrison. Cue To Be Continued.
Words can only do these moments so much justice, so when you have the time, watch this episode. And let’s be real, no one wants to read that much, so there were some omissions. In short Izzy and Vinny seemed to hit it off and Grant and Lace were seen hanging out quite a bit. Go watch the preview for next week. It’s going to be a disaster and we love it.