Hi there Bachelor fanatics! Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Megan and I compulsively watch the Bachelor. Like, I watch an episode, immediately rewatch it, and take notes the whole time. I’m also generally a very sarcastic human, so somehow all of this turned into me writing a weekly rant digesting each Bachelor/BIP/Bachelorette episode. Tbh it’s really because I get so heated about the ridiculousness that is the Bach franchise and need a release. BUT long story short, I’ve been invited to share my monologues here on the Bach Bracket website (what a DREAM!). I don’t summarize the episodes (there are plenty of other blogs that do that, slash if you’re not watching them on your own then are you REALLY living?) but rather just share my observations. Let’s get to it.
So week 2 is here and I must say I’m very glad we’re past week 1. Like week 1 is fun and all, but I personally think that a lot of the introductions were some of the cringiest in Bach history (except Catherine’s, legends never die). Speaking of Catherine, I feel incredibly let down by ABC that we did not see more of her this week, nor were we updated on the whereabouts of Lucy the pomeranian. She has an instagram (@misslucyagro) but other than this post, she has been surprisingly silent about her temporary new life with Colton (even though he abandoned her for the camping trip). I can just imagine that some poor junior producer has been tasked with taking care of miss Lucy and is probably hating his life. Or maybe it’s the highlight of his job (it would be mine) and they’ve become besties. Or maybe Lucy has run away and is starting a new life without her crazypants owner. The possibilities are endless, but ABC is definitely doing us a disservice by not giving us an update. Riot, anyone?
On a lighter note, Cassie is a sweetheart. When she was comforting Heather about telling Colton she’s never been kissed (still very skeptical of this) I was like d’aw. She was all “telling him will strengthen your relationship” and it was v supportive. She’s also hella confident if she’s not worried that that strengthened relationship will be a threat to her. Still skeptical that Heather hasn’t been kissed though, especially because she had some intense thirst for Colton after she told him (“I thought he would maybe kiss me, but next time!”). After some sleuthing I’ve discovered that both Heather and Cassie went to Biola University in Cali and almost certainly knew each other. This is just one of many outside connections between the contestants this season (because apparently ABC has decided to target the beauty pageant circuit now).
So the first group date this week was amaze solely because it featured RON SWANSON and that gave me life (even though all of his hair is gone). However, I think this one was about as bizarre as Becca’s whole group date fiasco dubbed “Beccalection 2018”. For those of you who don’t remember, this was when the boys were in Virginia and had to debate to be Becca’s running mate and it was v heated and strange. Actually, now that I’m thinking back to it, nothing was as weird as that, but I still think the whole “share a first” thing was gross. Like hello, we know Colton is a virgin, but do we need to be making group dates centered around a pun on this? Lmk.
One person who really stood out to me in this group date was Elyse. She is the woman Colton needs (but probably won’t choose) and the Bachelorette that we deserve (but will probably never have). Also, her skin glows like a friggin angel’s and I am so jealous. Really hoping that her skincare routine is revealed at some point on the show, because that would give me life. I was also a Nicole fan before this, but I thought her choice to highlight the first time she dated a white boy (i.e. Colton) was a bit strange. In the grand scheme of things, this is like the least strange thing to happen on the show yet, so it’s whatevs. I just hope she stops crying.